Just felt like writing this morning. Man oh man has it been a while since I’ve posted. Life just got in the way and has changed so much since I’ve written last, and I want to update everyone on how the Huffs have been and what we’ve been doing. Big C is napping and Baby C is watching Moana (again) so it’s a good time for this mama to get some thoughts down.
First and foremost, I’ve talked about the purpose of this blog before and I think God is shaping it into what he wants it to be again. I started this inspired by God, and shaped it after one of my favorite bloggers. Her blog began as a way to update family when she and her husband were far away from them, and I think that is so wonderful. I kind of lost sight of that and was like “how big can I get this thing?” Not on track with God, and totally not who I am. I want this to be an update for those closest to me, and I want Cooksey and future children to be able to look back at this as they get older and relive their childhood memories. Kind of like a diary mixed with a photo album plus a baby book. Memoir? I don’t know, I’m just here to write things.
So why the long break? That’s my main purpose in writing this morning. If you’re close to me, you know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s not something I talk about publicly, but it’s a very real aspect of my life and has been since my teens. I am still on the journey of trying to manage or defeat it, so some days it knocks me down and I’m not myself. I’ve struggled even harder with postpartum depression and anxiety since C was born and it just feels so unfair. Now I’m crying writing this. It’s unfair that such joy can be clouded by such darkness. The happiest and loveliest time of my life has also been shadowed by the darkest and scariest time of my life. It’s such a real struggle that people face, and that’s why I want to talk about it. It’s crippling and terrifying, but there is hope and that’s why I’m here. To defeat this ugly monster and share my story of overcoming. I am extremely blessed with the most loving family and friends who get me through the tough days and celebrate the good ones with me. Thank you for your constant love and understanding. I know I’m not the easiest sometimes, but you make it all worth it. (And mom and dad, I am fine lol)
Moving on: life is good. Cooksey is the sunshine of our lives and keeps us on our toes. We recently took him to his first Christmas parade, and he was rather unimpressed by the spectacle. He’s the funniest kid and always smiling. Big ol personality already. I think every parent says that about their kid.
And I started a new job! I am now teaching freshman English at a 5A high school. Please pray for me. Seriously. These kids are crazy but I love them all so much. They test me and they’re smart asses, but then I get a “miss you’re my favorite teacher” or an “oh that makes sense” and I remember why the big man sent me to do this job. To love on some babies and make them realize they all matter and are loved and are capable of great things. God sends us to do hard things sometimes, and this has been a really challenging transition, but I finally feel like I am in my proper place and doing something good.
One of my very best friends is in the hospital as I type getting ready to have her first baby. They didn’t find out the sex, so we are all on pins and needles waiting on this sweet bundle to arrive. I want to be in that hospital room right now, but I guess that could be seen as “invasive” or “creepy” so I get it. Just waiting on some Snapchat updates from her. Makes my whole weekend so exciting knowing I’ll get to go see this baby we’ve watched grow and have talked about and prayed for for the last nine months. Ugh, it’s so beautiful. It makes me reflect on this past year and all the blessings we’ve been given. A beautiful baby boy, a happy home, sweet friendships and love and purpose and the list could go on.
Thank you for reading my rambling once again. I hope to be on here more often to update the diary/photo journal.
Now I’m off to try to finish a book while C-Dub is asleep.