Because I owe it to you…

There’s a person here who needs to hear this. Who needs the whole story. But the thing is, I’m not ready to share it. Yet.

I’m not ready to be that vulnerable. To let everyone know what has really happened, how bad things have gotten. What you need to know is that I made it. I made it to the other side, and I came out stronger.

The truth is that things have gotten ugly and real before. I’ve sought help, received help, and can say that help saved me. My people saved me. I saved myself.

In lieu of recent events at my high school, I feel compelled to share my story. Who I am and what I experience on a daily basis. But I can’t. I’m too scared and I’m too embarrassed. There is a stigma, and in my profession it’s unacceptable to be less that 100. No one will understand because even I don’t understand.

What I can tell you is that you should stay. See your tomorrows. Your tomorrows are so full and bright. And we need you. We need your brand of crazy and fun and real and beautiful. Graduate. Get married. Have babies. Experience it all. Only connect.

In saying all of this, I guess what I’m trying to get to is that my real real story will be saved for now. I will tell you in person if you ask, but I will not publish it on the internet. Because not everyone is ready for it, and I’m not either.

I love you. You that is reading this and understands what I’m talking about. You that writes and feels too much and seeks a remedy. You that prays for help and you that hurts. You know who you are. And I love you. And I see you. And know that tomorrow is worth it. You are worth it. Everything.

Stories are sacred, but living life in the light is brave. I try to live life in the light and not cover everything with a smile. I hope this makes sense, and that you understand that just because people seem okay doesn’t mean they are. It’s okay to hurt, and it’s even more okay to live with that hurt and push to tomorrow. Emotions are essential to our being, and I don’t want to live life afraid of them. I want to embrace them. It is what it is. Ride the wave.

I think a lot of us are grieving right now. For a girl and for a feeling. A feeling we know all too well. It hurts deep and will for many days to come, but we can find our hope in God. I can’t help but feel that Jesus embraces it all. He loves the parts of us we don’t understand and has wide open arms for us despite everything we do.

Here’s to living in the light and embracing it all. I love you and I see you and I’m here for you.

XX

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